do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My ass is underappreciated
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
