i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize