i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
