if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
as a side note pls kill me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
