It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
