We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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