A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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