I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
