shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
