Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
why is half of my head shaved?
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