So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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