i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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