I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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