y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
