yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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