Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I AM VODKA MAN
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
