feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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