i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
