remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
