dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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