I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
