I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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