R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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