I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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