Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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