on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
cat food counts as protein by the way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
