my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
