i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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