all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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