ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
