Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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