I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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