AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
tell me about the eggs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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