I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
