I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
