I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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