HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
