just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
