if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
