yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
