I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
