It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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