WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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