Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
