the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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