I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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