If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
