just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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