You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
