theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
nutella sex= disaster
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
