She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
