apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
