he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
