My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
