i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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