There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
