You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
