uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
