why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
