Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
