The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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