I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
