Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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