Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
