imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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