1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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